Just seconds ago, I drank a 5-Hour Energy brand energy shot. Like Dr. Henry Jekyll's potion, it has begun to wreak terrible changes within me.
"The Transformation: 'Great God! Can it Be???'"
Dawn, upon hearing I'd done so, just said, "Uh oh." Based on the sickening, pseudo-fruity aftertaste I'm currently "enjoying," I'm beginning to agree with her assessment.
Update: I drank the bottle 5 minutes ago. Pretty gross, no immediate discernible impact on my energy level. I'm still yawning.
Allow me to back up. Now, I'm a pretty energetic person, and have generally been scornful of those who needed "energy drinks" to feel normal. "Pshaw!" I say. "They should just do what I do and drink 30 plus ounces of coffee every day!"
Alright, maybe there's not much of a distinction. Yes, I know I have a little problem -- but to be fair, 30 ounces of coffee is slightly less than two Starbucks mediums, or grandes, or what have you.
Refocusing! I received one of these petite 2-ounce shots for free while waiting in line at the food trucks in Farragut Square last Friday. Regardless of my preference for coffee, I knew then it was only a matter of time before Hungry Sam boldly ventured into the miniature world of energy shots.
To prepare, I reduced my coffee intake to a mere 12 ounces this morning, but otherwise ate a normal Hungry Sam diet -- morning omelet, 11 AM snack, lunchtime burrito. Just as I began to get the afternoon yawns (around 2:45 PM), I opened the tiny bottle.
Update: I drank the bottle 15 minutes ago. I'm starting to feel clear-headed but slightly anxious, and my heart is racing a bit. These symptoms are similar to those I experience when I have too much coffee, but it could still be psychosomatic.
At first sniff, my courage waned and my left eye twitched. The "pomegranate" shot smelled as though someone had dissolved gummy bears and jelly beans in sugar water -- so sweet as to turn my stomach. I gripped the bottle in my fist, preparing for my personal Mr. Hyde. I lifted the shot to my lips, and in one glug, drank the bottle down.
That was when I decided to read the label. "Recommended use: take one half (1/2) bottle for moderate energy. Take one whole bottle for maximum energy." I guess I'm en route to "maximum energy" -- which sort of raises the question, "what IS my maximum energy level? is it entertaining? will it increase my productivity?"
 |
| Maybe I shouldn't have had the whole thing? |
Update: It's been about 20 minutes. Primary discernible effect: I'm typing REALLY fast, or at least, it seems, faster than usual. I still feel anxious, and a tad twitchy. I could probably have an excellent workout, however. And no more yawning!
This aftertaste is still killing me. I haven't chased with water yet; I wanted to hold onto the flavor through this post. But it is so terrible. I feel like I will never want to eat or drink anything sweet ever again.
On the flip side, I'm not tired anymore. But I am extremely concerned for anyone who, as in the commercials for said energy shots, drinks them INSTEAD of coffee EVERY morning. Shudder.
Final Update: I don't feel good about this. I'm not tired, but I don't feel alert -- just slightly ill. At least my alter ego is just a slightly more nauseous, jittery version of myself, instead of evil incarnate:
I think I'll stick with coffee in the future.